There is No Compass for Consideration

Something has been bugging me lately and I'm not sure how I can fix it..

I think I am an extremely considerate person in all its sense. Will I get up for an old lady every time on the bus/train? No, but I can't say I'm not torn between whether I should get up or not. Sometimes, it takes me too long to decide and my window of opportunity to give up my seat is over. I guess if I were truly considerate, I would get up in an instant, but still, I do consider it. I think about everything and I think that makes me a reliable friend. I'm good that way.

What I'm extremely bad at is showing compassion. You can tell me about your life and I could be listening, but sometimes, I can care less about what you are saying. I feel nothing inside. Most of the time, I'm just thinking 'suck it up and stop being a pussy'. I guess that's how I was raised. My mom isn't that compassionate either. I remembered when I was younger and I had this cold for about two weeks. When I asked my mom to take me to the doctor, she said 'why are you such a burden!' I remembered thinking that I haven't gone to the doctor in over 1.5 years. I didn't think I was a burden... Never forgot it. I'm not heart-broken over it. It is what it is.

That's my motto in life. 'It is.. what it is.' When people tell me their problems, sometimes I would chime in and agree that this life sucks. But when it becomes routine that your life is just a big complaint, I get extremely annoyed and you can tell. I suck at hiding my feelings and I do like that about myself. I don't like thinking about sad things in life. I don't need constant negative outlooks in life when all I'm trying to do is live my life on this earth as sweet as I can. Compassion, I lack. Consideration, I am full of.

Maybe this whole keeping my feelings in is a bad thing. Like a ticking time bomb about to set off with every negative droplet of information I get. Yes, I'm probably one of the most drama-free people you will ever meet. So please, don't fill my life with your drama. I'm drama-free for a reason. I try not to take things to heart too much and I stay look at the greener side of life.

Let me be happy, won't you?