The Girl With Two Types

None of my friends can really pinpoint the type of guy that I'm into. Maybe because I have so many types.

Nothing is ever in black and white, but to put my plans in black and white, I want to have at least two relationships in my lifetime. One, that will last for a couple of months to a year. He will be the guy that I lust after because he has this certain passion and I am drawn to. He's the guy that I will kiss in the rain. He's the guy that I will be adventurous with. He will be the guy that pushes me against the wall and aggressively make out with me. He will let me climb on top of him on the sofa and make out for hours at a time only coming up for air. He will have tattoos and a mohawk.

Then there's the other guy. He's the nice guy that I will marry and spend the rest of my life with. He's the perfect guy for me. He will talk to me when I am sad and stressed. He will brighten up my day with sweetness and humor. I will die for him as he will die for me. I will always look at him in the most loving way I could possibly look at someone. He will bring me flowers for no reason. He is my Canon in D. He will be my sweetest, everlasting love.

Weight loss has to be this year. My life is on the line. If I don't lose weight this year, I will never find the two men of my dreams. Even though the men of my dreams wouldn't care about my size, if I want some Grade A men, I'm going to have to look my best. I want to offer as much as I am willing to accept in return.

Me and Him

Me: "Since I don’t go out a lot, I’d like to make the best of my time if I do. If that means getting drunk so I’m in a happier state, then so be it! Pre-drunk me is more likely to not talk to anyone. Drunk me would talk to anyone who wants to conversate. I cannot socialize with strangers sober. I don’t know what to talk about. I think if we ever conversated in real life, it’ll last for 5 minutes. The good thing about messages is that you can sit and think about what to talk about, whereas, in real life, socializing doesn’t come naturally if you don’t know what to talk about."

Him: "I completely agree with you on the messages thing. Especially since we're writing essays to each other, not little one-line responses. Why do you think it takes me so long to respond? I absolutely value the opportunity to think about what you're going to say before saying it."

[ "absolutely value.." Do you know how excited I was when I read this? Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the fact that he thinks about me and what I might write next is a bit.. overwhelmingly awesome. He's going to be my inspiration for losing weight. When I lose enough weight in the summer, I'm going to ask him out on one date. If it works out, then great. If it doesn't, we will never talk about it again. I'm afraid.. What if he's not interested? What if the picture I painted of him becomes distorted? What if there was no chemistry? What if he thinks I'm a bimbo? What if we have absolutely nothing to talk about? I am afraid.]

Me: "Of the little hours I have free during the workweek, I like to write bits and pieces of my responses to you. So you think about what I’m going to say? Ha. Are you right most of the time because I’d like to think my thoughts are original and unpredictable. I don’t usually think about what you’re going to write. I just know I look forward to it."

'ello Mate!

Cupid brought me a new friend and he's British. Yes, my dreams of knowing a British guy has come true! Too bad I'll never hear his accent. Does that make him less British? Like that riddle: "if a tree falls but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

I just don't know!

Guy With the Labrador

Taking a warm summer's stroll
I looked over my shoulder
For curiosity caught my eye

Never had he given me the look
As he did that warm summer's day
With a hunger in his heart

A flirtatious moment
Ah, to be young and naive
But I thought nothing of it

Until that night my heart caused a stir
He came to me in my slumber
And hunted for me as my heart desired

I woke up with a sudden lust
A desire to see him one more time
Hoping to share in that moment again

This is what it is to be young and in love
To know not why it is so
But to embrace the rawness of the heart

To want to ravage him like a playful cub
To play a game of hide and seek
With a burning desire to attack

Not The One [poem]

I can't deny your presence in my heart
Your words would make it race
A simple line can cause a spark
It's what lured me in the first place

I like your wit very much
How it intrigued me so
As easily as you can pick up crafts
Where did all my advances go?

It went over your head
As you are too geek to see
No matter how much your brain can grasp
You can't see these feelings in me

You are the epitome of whom I want
The soul I can imagine being with in awe
Perfect guy on pen and paper
A sweet love, but nothing raw

A kind love is simply not enough
I want to kiss in the rain
And fight without rhyme or reason
I want my heart to go insane