Broken Down

Man, I had a meltdown today. While pending on the coming 3 months without my awesome and faithful coworker who will be going on maternity leave, I became overwhelmed. And it didn't help that I had one of my 4 times a year periods. The Accounting intern/receptionist was out for a couple of weeks due to a bad car accident and finals. This loaded me up with twice the amount of work I usually had. And I have my coworker on the side constantly teaching me everything she does. Today, I became extra overwhelmed when I couldn't remember what she taught me before. Sure, I had my notes.. but there were so many things on my mind. You know what I dreamt about today? Fixed assets and having to email all the divisions asking for them. I just broke down. I didn't want to do it anymore.

When I sat with my coworker, I started tearing up when I told her I forgot what she taught me. When she turned to me and asked if I was crying, a tear dropped. She told me to go to the back with her for a talk. That's when I broke down. Tears fell faster than I could wipe them. With each wipe, came 2 drops more. Maybe because of the late hours I put in this week. 42 hours in 4 days. The work felt like it will never stop.. But my coworker calmed me down. She even yelled at the smelly boss who didn't want her to train me. He kept pushing it back until it was her final weeks. I learned a lot of things these couple of weeks. It took a major toll on my brain.

But I feel better now.

I Want You Because You're There

What is it that makes me crush on someone so easily? It's an office joke among the girls that I like every guy that walks into the office. I can't help it if it coincidentally happens that way! There are some good looking people that come visits. My hormones have always been out of whack and there's no one that I ever had the pleasure of releasing this passion to.

I have a moment of truth today. A person can love someone, but I don't think it's enough for me unless there's passion. I want someone that would make my heart jump with one look. I want to want them.

It's not a happy feeling when you see someone you like, but can not have. I hate that I think she's better than me. I hate to give up so easily and try to logicize the fact that it wouldn't have worked out in the end anyway.

I know what I want. I wanted the same thing I wanted when I was in 6th grade and fell in love for the first time.