Virtual Guys

What am I doing with my life that would make me join an online dating site? I know they say that 1 of 4 people use online dating, but I never thought I would be one of them. I'm not trying to downplay other people who use them because God knows many people find their soul mates on there. I've tried this before last October, but was scared away by some passionate stalker. But my loneliness and desire for male companionship has lead me back there once again. I'm not planning on meeting anyone on there. I simply want some male pen pals that I share common interests with. I met a couple of guys who I exchange essay long responses with.

One is so smart and I love writing to him because he's so clever and funny that it makes me smile every time. He uses so many big words and references that I'm glad I need Google's help sometimes. I love talking to him nonetheless.

One of them is nice and we often talk about our jobs and friends. We complain some too. I guess I can tell why he's not dating. He has this friend vibe.

One likes to push my buttons. He offends me by questioning why I'm on the site when I have no intention of meeting anyone on there. He also called me crazy and dramatic, which shocked me. It's not my fault that he asks me about my psychological problems and not about the happier things I like to talk about. He asked me if I liked having my buttons pushed. I do. I like that feeling of fiery passion that he made me feel when he talks to me. I like having my buttons pushed when it's someone I'm attracted to. If it was some ugly guy, then I'd get annoyed. He seemed like a cool guy. He seems too cool for me.

One is probably serendipity. There's this guy that I met freshmen year of college. Well, I didn't meet him perse. He was hanging with one of my friends from high school. She told me his name and it kind of stuck with me all these years and I didn't know that until very recently when I saw his picture on the site and his whole name came to mind. He had an unusual last name and I thought he was really good looking back then. I guess that's why I remembered him. I messaged him and now he's trying to figure out who our mutual friend is. I bet I know what he's feeling. Intrigue from the unknown and curiosity about who this girl is. Boy, disappointment will ensue if he knew I wasn't as pretty as how my pictures portray me to be.

I was having a conversation with my friend at work and she asked me why I wouldn't meet this guy since we have a mutual friend. Well, I'm afraid I'm not pretty enough. I'm afraid of the mutual friend finding out and telling my other friends about it. Her circle consist of a guy that I hate with all my heart. The one who abandoned me with no closure as I stood there wondering why he stopped talking to me all of a sudden. The one who went out with a good friend of mine and she also ended up ignoring me as well. It wasn't until years later that she began talking to me again through Facebook, or at least replies to my wall posts. They talked smack about me and I don't like that. If he were to ask our mutual about me, I could imagine all the things she would say about me. Why should I have to go through that humiliation and rejection? Why couldn't he have been a mutual friend of one of my best friends? Is it really serendipity? I'd rather not think so. He's a guy that I thought was super good looking 6 years ago. That's it.

"Life's too short to even care at all, oh oh"