Playing with Cupid

It's a funny thing how people can easily find you attractive online just by talking to you, yet it's never like that in real life. I recently joined a dating site because Jenny was on it and I thought it would be fun. My main reason for joining was so that it would help me gain confidence about myself. I must say, when boys rate me 4 or 5 out of 5, it's pretty nice. Sometimes, I get the occasional message from dudes and many of them sound like it's been copy and pasted to every girl on the site, so I pay no attention to those. But there's this one guy, who sent me a second message about me not answering his first one, so I answered him back. He shared a riddle and a poem. I shared a poem and he seems mesmerized by my "soul". I don't know what to think. Since I'm skeptical, I think he's playing with me. But my caring nature makes me feel bad for him if he's being sincere. I made sure to put on my profile that I refuse to meet anyone on the site, yet he brushes it off like I'm going to change my mind in the future. He says he likes my honesty and calls me amazing/rare. I feel guilty that he's paying this much attention to me because it's not going anywhere. All I want out of this site is to see how guys are like and maybe share some jokes along the way.. I never wanted to get serious. Damn my honesty. I feel bad. I told him it makes me weird when he compliments me, but he still manages to do it... I don't know what to do.. I even went on his profile lately and I could see that he changed some of his stuff which leaned towards finding someone kind of like me.. Flattered, but guilting.

There's this other guy who started with a riddle which I thought was cool. He seemed like the type of person I want to chat with on this site. He keeps things funny and light. That's all I want. I don't want to proceed any further than that. He replied back after 2 days saying he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to me still because I wasn't planning on meeting him, and he prefer physically seeing the people he become friends with. Completely understandable, but a shot to my heart. I'll admit, my feelings were hurt, but it's understandable. I told him it was ok to not talk to me. I'd rather it happen now, before he charms the pants off me. Figuratively of course, and I didn't write the pants part to him. haha.

There's this other guy who messaged me. The complete type of person that I loathe to be with the most. He has long hair, and he even said it himself that he spends 80% of the time fixing his hair.. He's mad skinny too, which obviously will make me look like a total orange. He's 3 years younger and a bit too emo for me. But he did seem like he'd be the type of friend I'd meet in school or something. Like those guys who are nerdy and outcastey.

Another guy said my "kissy face makes me want to kiss stuff" and I was both flattered yet totally creeped out by it. There's mad weird people out there. And this is the reason I refuse to meet anyone.

There was this black guy who said he wanted to ask me something but I got really scared because the site put him as 71% enemy. Yeesh. It was him who almost made me delete my account. And I think I'll be shutting down my account soon. It's messed up if I'm toying with people's emotions even if I don't intentionally do it. This is the problem most of the time. People mistake niceness with attraction. And I'll be the first to admit that I've fallen a victim to that before.

Love is so difficult. All I know is, even though the commercial for eHarmony says that 1 of 5 people meet on dating sites, it's really not for me. I shouldn't have opened an account if I'm not using the site for what it was intended for which is to meet people. Yeah, I'm going to have to delete it soon because I feel guilty.. I'm scared, however, to have to write a message of good bye to the people who I've spoken too. It'd be rude to just drop off the face of the site without telling them anything.. They might think I blocked them. There's no doubt I'll delete my account.. the main question is when. Definitely by the end of October..