There's one thing wrong with being painfully shy around guys: looking like you're very disinterested or looking like you are interested when you're not. You can like things about guys that make you act shy around them, or you're just not interested and they think you like them. It's stupid. Either boys are stupid, or girls are just way too confusing.
Let's start with the shy girl who is way too scared to seem interested in the guy because the handsomeness of the guy makes her heart pump way too hard. The one thing I realize is that when I see a handsome guy, I am too afraid to look at him especially if I'm by myself. So what do I do? I look straight through them, like they don't even exist. I could be really interested, but I wouldn't behave that way even though I feel that way. It's not that I don't think I'm not good enough to be with an extremely handsome man, I just feel like I'm not physically pretty enough to be in the same level to be accepted by other people. I can see the problems we would have. I would get jealous at how friendly he would be with the hot bartenders and waitresses. And if he has the personality to match, I'd wonder what I did to deserve him? What I did to stand out to catch his eye? Doubts. These doubts would ruin me. Ruin us.. Maybe I do feel like he would be too good for me. I don't know. I know I have things to offer. But... whatever.
And what about those ugly guys that think they are the "foshizzle". People say that people are most attractive to those with confidence; that if they portray themselves as hot, then others will as well. I must say it's sort of works depending on the level of ugly. If you're hideous and you walk around with swag, that's just pathetic in my opinion. That's why my confidence is low. I don't think I'm pretty enough to pull it off. I'm fat and who will like me? I'm too shy to have that many friends that if I were to ask them all out, there would be a good enough chance at least one will say yes. But I have no more than those that I can count with my two hands. I think most of my friends are the type that contain a low profile. Work, school, home. That's basically their life in a jar. I don't like to go out at night. I don't like creepers. I don't have what they're after. I don't like being disrespected... However, I do like to play. As boring as my life is, I do have a vivid imagination.
I've always had this deep desire to live a double life. I want to work and go to grad school on week days, and by week's end, I would put on a wig and go have a wild time. Drink some booze and forget my worries. Yes, that would be a nice way to efficiently live a fulfilling life. But alas, all I do on weekends is study, tv, and go to my grandma's house. That's what I did for the past decade. Nothing has changed. Still single, and not loving it. I'm boring enough to be okay in a relationship, and not feel like I'm trapped. People say that dating is bad; boys are bad. I don't care. I want to experience it for myself. I want to feel the heartache. I want to feel the pain and joy, the roller coaster ride; everything. I know that there are level-headed people who trusted their heart to the wrong person, who just seemed so right at that moment. There's no surpassing these types to get to the better ones out there. You need to experience the jerks to know what you really want in life. And what I want is to meet guys. I'm 23. If I want to get married by the age of 28, I need to get moving. Time is ticking away regardless of how unproductive I am in my life.
Time is a moving. Better start cracking.
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