What was it about my childhood that made me such a cynical bitch, I wonder? Why am I so skeptical? Was it because that's how I was raised? To never trust anyone, but family? eureka.. My problem with people stems from when people aren't thankful enough for what they actually have and they complain OR they're just one of those people who will never be satisfied... Like one of those people who complain about not getting something, and when they do get it, they say they regret it.. I don't like when people complain about everything. I used to listen to people without feeling anything bad about what they say, but I'm grown and matured enough to catch a spoiled brat when I see one..
My best friend is a nice person, but she has her days.. When she calls me to complain about something small, it's like why do I even need to hear that? She shares everything with me.. even others' secrets and it's annoying because apparently, it's still a secret if she tells me.. Of course I'd keep the secret, but still. Who knows if she does that with my secrets? I don't like when people complain about everything. I don't want to hear negative things when I'm trying to bring Zen into my life. Sometimes, she asks if she's being a bitch for saying certain things. I would say yes. I mean, she asked me because she probably thinks she's being mean. I'm not going to make her feel better by saying that what she's saying isn't mean. She complained about having to take a bus and LIRR to the police station and asks if she should take a taxi. She asked if she was being a spoiled brat. I just ignored her question because she's going to be upset. I mean, what do you want me to say to that? That you're not a brat for wanting to take a cab to Long Island?? Really, especially when you're totally broke? Please, this is why you're broke. Always with the convenience and never thinking about your debt. *Deep breath* ZEN! When we're being dumb and talking about the light stuff, then I love being around her.. I don't mind if she talks about her ex either. But now I do.. She's bipolar when it comes to him. It's like she loves him one minute, and then she calls him as asshole who she's totally over with. And the cycle repeats. Just when I thought she meant it this time.. it's like ridiculous that she can't control herself. She knows the consequences of her actions, yet she still does it because she wants instant gratification even when she knows it'll hurt much more later. We both know it's illogical. And I found it funny that when we were watching a movie, she called this girl dumb for doing/saying things that were totally inappropriate. She was blind. My best friend is blind too.
Yeah, I know I'm being a real hypocrite for being a complainer right now. But these are my thoughts in my diary. I know not everyone is like me and keeps all my feelings inside until I can't take it anymore and explode one day. But this is my vent. I do it because I need to let the steam out.. Yes, I'm a bitch because I'm cynical. Skeptical. But it's balanced by the good in me. So ha! Let me be the bitch.
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