Fishing Around the Wrong Pond

So many bipolar emotions packed in to the past 2 months.

The white guy wasn't as awesome as I thought he was. His looks were .. deceiving, to say the least. The hang out went fine. We walked through Central Park and then around for about 2.5 hours. Went to Sleepys so he could try on some beds. Hugged and said our good byes. As soon as I left him.. all I could think about was how I could let him down easy. Let's just say that as sweet as my words can be, I am the worst at saying "thank you, but no thank you."

So, let's just move on.

Mr. Google. I've pretty much given up on meeting him. He's not making any moves nor is he signaling that he wants to meet up. I have given up on him. But I occasionally miss talking to him. So I text him now and then.

Met another guy. He's a science teacher. Well, tutor for now. Still admirable. Went on my very first date Dec 7. It was good. We're so different, but I thought he would be good for me. He'll get me out of my shell. The funny part is that he majored in psychology. I swore I would have nothing to do with them psychologists. Maybe he's different. Had my first kiss with him. Boy do I like kissing. And apparently, it clouded my judgement. We are both so different. It wasn't apparent until we double dated with my best friend and he boyfriend. So different that I just can't overlook it. I need this to be over with fast. When I don't feel it, I don't want them to feel it either. How can I do it? How should I do it?

I thought guys were supposed to be the strong, silent ones. I know I'm pretty detached, but I need the guy to be less emotional than me. I don't want to have to constantly tell the guy that I'm in love. I want them to know, just by looking at me, that I am..

I'm just about done with online dating. It's not my thing. At lease I met some decent people.