Why Can't We Love Mutually?

You know what the hardest thing about falling in love is? To believe that he's totally into you when in reality, it's just not true.

Is there such a thing as a guy with a girlfriend who comes to the realization that he belongs with someone else and immediately forsakes his old lover? Not unless it was a fairy tale. Why can't we all love mutually? Do we have to love the wrong people in order to realize who the right person is? Is love so precious that we have to go through much hardship in order to obtain a decent amount of it?

At my cousin's housewarming, my older cousins asked me where my boyfriend was. As always, I joke about how my mom would go back to China and bring me back a husband. They said that anyone I date must be approved by them. I have no doubt that whomever I date will be an awesome guy. I told them that when I get a boyfriend, he would surpass all their expectations and more. I have faith that I would find a nice person and he would just be awesome.

I was on the bus and I saw this guy. He looked like a punk. He had a spiked lip ring and he was doodling. That appeals to me so much. Ahh, to have a bad boy with a great heart. That would be ideal for me. Who says that the inside has to match the outside? Why can't we be a little deceitful?

I have come to realize that in order to have someone great, I need to be someone great. I can't receive more than I can give myself. My friend asked my other friend to set me up. I guess she pities me because I'm single and never mingled. He showed her a picture of one of his single friends. Before she sent the picture to me, she said, "Well, maybe he has a really nice personality". Uh-oh, you know what that means! He was a chubby buddy. Like I told my cousin, I cannot date a chubby guy. I don't want us to be known as the chubby couple, you know? I'm self conscious as is with my weight and since I started working at the office, I've gained back most of the weight that I've sweated off from the gym back in October. Boy was I mad about that. All that hard work. Well, that has to change!

I mean, given another circumstance, I might have been interested in him for his personality, but not now. The main reason that I don't like to be set up is because I don't want to disappoint them when they see me. I feel like they'll take one look at me and brush me off. That's why I'd rather date someone who's actually seen and knew what I was about. If I were to be asked out, it would be because of my awesome personality. Not my looks.

And throwing me into the mix hoping that I'd hit it off with a potential suitor is the worst thing to do! My awkward, shyness comes out and he would barely know me as a person. I'd act so indifferent to the point that I don't seem that likable at all.

And again, I've said this many times. If I lost the weight and became a sexy offender, then I'd be quite snooty. I don't know how that would fend with others but I'm definitely not going to settle. If I have more to offer, then he should as well. I should have lost the weight before the year ended, but that didn't happen. Hopefully, this year, I'd fare better.

Dear Future Boyfriend,

I'm turning 25 soon. Hopefully, that means you're going to pop into my life any time now. Thank you for being sweet on me. I knew it'd take someone special to pick me out in a crowd. I would not have settled for anyone less than a great catch. Since you're my first, I want to have an unforgettable time with you. And when I look back, I'll smile at those times and be glad that I had a great first, even if you weren't my last. I'll definitely treasure the good times we've shared and the happiness that you brought into my life in whichever period of time you were present.

Thank you for bringing me out of my shell. Thank you for accepting my silence and always knowing what to say to break it. I love how funny you are and, of course, your random outbursts of quirkiness that I adore so much.

Thanks for knowing when to make me smile and when to just lend an ear. You're always patient and understanding.

Make sure to hold my hand often, for it's something I enjoy a lot. And hugging of course. I've always been a stiff hugger because of my intimacy issues with everyone. But give me some time and I'll be the best hugger in the world! I can't wait to feel your warmth.

Love,

Your Future Girlfriend